Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Happy Valentines Day!
I have never put a lot of stock in Valentines Day but it is still nice to receive something loving and heartfelt on this day or really any other day for that matter. So this morning when Little Man brought me his cut-out heart that he had drawn on and written these words: "I LUVE YOU MOMMA LOAD JACKSON". I melted. Big glob of Mama Bear, melted everywhere. He spelled out the words himself. It is one of those items that I will keep forever and ever and will pull out when he is 17 and too cool to kiss me to remind myself how much he "luves" me. He drew a picture of me, Papa, Sweet Pea and himself. He said that he forgot to put Peanut on there and I asked him if he wanted to add it and he said that it was already completed so he couldn't add Peanut. Peanut drew on a heart for me and then took scissors to it and it is a mangled mess, but it is a heartfelt mangled mess and that is just about all I can ask for. I got a cupcake and coffee delivered to my bed this morning. Papa Bear is on deadline so he won't be home to celebrate with us tonight. That's ok, in this house we can make any day Valentines Day. (Plus MeeMom is visiting this weekend which means we get a date night) Happy Valentines Everyone, "LOAD" MamaBear
Friday, February 10, 2012
A post in which I rant....
Parenting is terrifying, utterly terrifying. When I was pregnant with Little Man, I spent 9 months thinking that I couldn't wait for him to be born so I could stop worrying. Then the second he was in my arms I was wishing I could put him back in because as scary as pregnancy was, he was so much safer tucked away and cushioned from the world. There are so many things that we just can't control for our children and for a self-professed control freak like myself, that presents many problems. It doesn't matter how much we keep them in safety helmets, the top-notch car seats or sequestered from any other child that has the sniffles they will still get sick, fall off their bikes and chances are will at some point end up in the ER taking years off of your life. Since we can't control these things, we end up controlling things that really don't matter in the grand scheme of life like preschool and tv limits and junk food consumption. And then we second guess all of those areas and the blame rains down. If I had chosen a different preschool maybe, if I hadn't let him eat all of that high fructose corn syrup.... The what-if's are terrifying and full of guilt. I have spent a lot of time wondering if Peanut hadn't been premature, the surviving twin in a vanishing twin pregnancy, if I had been able to keep pre-natal vitamins down or eaten more or less of something rich in vitamins would he still have Apraxia. Parenting is terrifying.
But once in a while you find a battle that you can fight, an area that you can control that really matters and when you get there as terrified as you might be, you fight. You fight with everything that you have and arm yourself with every weapon available to you. That is what this IEP process has been for me. Today I won a small battle but I know that there is a lot more to come. Peanut turns 3 next month and when he does, we lose our amazing and wonderful speech therapist that has taught us so much. For 2 months I have been fighting to get the right goals set for him and the right level of service. Today the goals are set, they are good goals. They are motoric and written by the head of speech therapy. But the level of service is still a battle that I am not finished with. He is being offered 4 hours a month of speech therapy at a school near us and it may or may not be 1:1. He needs 1:1, he needs more than 4 hours a month, he needs at least three 30 minute sessions a week and he needs extended year services. I will get it for him and I won't stop until I do. Because parenting is utterly terrifying, but I got this. This is can do. And I will.
But once in a while you find a battle that you can fight, an area that you can control that really matters and when you get there as terrified as you might be, you fight. You fight with everything that you have and arm yourself with every weapon available to you. That is what this IEP process has been for me. Today I won a small battle but I know that there is a lot more to come. Peanut turns 3 next month and when he does, we lose our amazing and wonderful speech therapist that has taught us so much. For 2 months I have been fighting to get the right goals set for him and the right level of service. Today the goals are set, they are good goals. They are motoric and written by the head of speech therapy. But the level of service is still a battle that I am not finished with. He is being offered 4 hours a month of speech therapy at a school near us and it may or may not be 1:1. He needs 1:1, he needs more than 4 hours a month, he needs at least three 30 minute sessions a week and he needs extended year services. I will get it for him and I won't stop until I do. Because parenting is utterly terrifying, but I got this. This is can do. And I will.
Monday, February 6, 2012
No means No and No means Yes - Tender Moments
Ask Sweet Pea just about any question and she will shake her head no, give you an adorable smile and then scream when you actually think she meant no and she really meant yes....I want more food, I want that toy, I want to take my socks off and put them on my hands. It is a bit confusing but it works for her. The funniest part is that Little Man seems to actually know when she means yes and when she means no. He asks her if she wants her blue shoes and she shakes her head no, hugs him and then he just ignores the shake of her head and tells her to sit down so that he can put her shoes on for her. My theory on this is because he just never listens when anyone tells him no and just does whatever he wants to do and that just happens to line up with what she wants too. This evening, after dinner, she was chasing him around the playroom and whenver she would catch him she threw her little arms around his waist and gave him the biggest hug. Those two, have a really special relationship....as long as she isn't knocking down his magnablock creations.
We caught another sweet moment tonight between Little Man and Peanut. Papa Bear had just gotten home from work and I had gone into the office to try and get some work done before it got too late when I hear Papa Bear say "shhhh, loook". I leaned over and both boys were sitting on the couch. Ok, just that statement alone is amazing. The never sit still and certainly not at the same time and right next to each other. Little Man was reading Peanut a book and Peanut was asking questions and while the moment didn't last long, it was special and one I will remember the next time they are hitting each other over the head with superheroes.
We caught another sweet moment tonight between Little Man and Peanut. Papa Bear had just gotten home from work and I had gone into the office to try and get some work done before it got too late when I hear Papa Bear say "shhhh, loook". I leaned over and both boys were sitting on the couch. Ok, just that statement alone is amazing. The never sit still and certainly not at the same time and right next to each other. Little Man was reading Peanut a book and Peanut was asking questions and while the moment didn't last long, it was special and one I will remember the next time they are hitting each other over the head with superheroes.
Friday, January 27, 2012
Updates all Around
Little Man's Penguin Story
"My penguin is really funny because he has yarn coming out of his head. He is really a polar bear in disguise."
He cracks me up!
He is also so empathic. Recently, a child left his preschool class. I was explaining it to him and his very first response was concern for another little girl that was very close with the child that left. He said he had to be extra nice to the little girl so she wouldn't be too sad. I adore the empathy and sweetness that seems to be so inherent in my Little Man. I hope the world doesn't ever change him and will do my best to help him stay true to the sweet guy that he is.
Peanut's Summer Camp
Peanut will be attending a week long intensive speech therapy camp for children with Apraxia. We are really excited that he is going to have this opportunity. We have his next IEP meeting on February 10th and hope that give his latest evaluation we will get the goals and services that he needs.
Sweet Pea
Sweet Pea is growing up! At her 15 month well visit she weighed 28 lbs and 10 ounces and is 33 inches long. She was not a happy camper with the doctor and before she could even be touched went into her typical feminine hysterics. She also had an ear infection so she didn't get her shots not that you could tell since she was screaming like someone stabbed her when the doctor pulled out the flashlight. That's right folks, she is our drama queen. But she is talking so much and has recently added the words "hot, hat, and cracker" to her ever growing vocabulary. She has started throwing her food off of her tray instead of telling us all done and thinks it is hysterical. I remember both boys going through this phase too, but it still drives me crazy. Sweet Pea is down to one nap a day but loves to make me look like a liar because she will probably end up with 2 naps today. Her bedtime is 7:15 and loves to get in her bed and have her snuggles and her binky. She is still accessorizing often and loves to wear any kind of pretty shoes. This girl is going to cost us money! Adored by her biggest brother, tolerated by her big brother and smothered with love from mama and papa bear - Sweet Pea is doing great!
"My penguin is really funny because he has yarn coming out of his head. He is really a polar bear in disguise."
He cracks me up!
He is also so empathic. Recently, a child left his preschool class. I was explaining it to him and his very first response was concern for another little girl that was very close with the child that left. He said he had to be extra nice to the little girl so she wouldn't be too sad. I adore the empathy and sweetness that seems to be so inherent in my Little Man. I hope the world doesn't ever change him and will do my best to help him stay true to the sweet guy that he is.
Peanut's Summer Camp
Peanut will be attending a week long intensive speech therapy camp for children with Apraxia. We are really excited that he is going to have this opportunity. We have his next IEP meeting on February 10th and hope that give his latest evaluation we will get the goals and services that he needs.
Sweet Pea
Sweet Pea is growing up! At her 15 month well visit she weighed 28 lbs and 10 ounces and is 33 inches long. She was not a happy camper with the doctor and before she could even be touched went into her typical feminine hysterics. She also had an ear infection so she didn't get her shots not that you could tell since she was screaming like someone stabbed her when the doctor pulled out the flashlight. That's right folks, she is our drama queen. But she is talking so much and has recently added the words "hot, hat, and cracker" to her ever growing vocabulary. She has started throwing her food off of her tray instead of telling us all done and thinks it is hysterical. I remember both boys going through this phase too, but it still drives me crazy. Sweet Pea is down to one nap a day but loves to make me look like a liar because she will probably end up with 2 naps today. Her bedtime is 7:15 and loves to get in her bed and have her snuggles and her binky. She is still accessorizing often and loves to wear any kind of pretty shoes. This girl is going to cost us money! Adored by her biggest brother, tolerated by her big brother and smothered with love from mama and papa bear - Sweet Pea is doing great!
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Little Man Stories
Little Man is studying all about winter, snow, Alaska, the North and South poles in school right now. He was eating lunch while I cleaned the kitchen and telling me about his day.
Little Man: Did you know that they have boots in Alaska to keep them from slipping on the ice? They are called mukluks.
Me: I did know that.
Little Man: How did you know that?
Me: When you were a tiny baby still in my belly, I went to Alaska and some friends that I met there gave me baby mukluks for you.
Little Man: I remember going to Alaska when I was in your tummy, but can we go again because I didn't get to see much since I was in your tummy because your skin was in the way. I want to go again and see a moose. Do you still have the mukluks that they gave me?
Me: I do, but they are too small for you now.
Little Man: Well that does it, we have to go back to Alaska for sure now.
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
Little Man: Mama, I know that you love me the best. You love me more than all the other mamas love all of the other little boys and you love me the best more than Peanut and Sweet Pea.
Me: Oh yeah? You have that all worked out now, huh?
Little Man: Yup, I am your first baby, super sweet and the best snuggler.
Me: Well you are my best snuggler
Little Man: Told you, you love me best!
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
So I am going to go to Alaska to see a moose and purchase size 11 mukluks with my very self-assured, logical and slightly egotistical Little Man. Love this kid!
Little Man: Did you know that they have boots in Alaska to keep them from slipping on the ice? They are called mukluks.
Me: I did know that.
Little Man: How did you know that?
Me: When you were a tiny baby still in my belly, I went to Alaska and some friends that I met there gave me baby mukluks for you.
Little Man: I remember going to Alaska when I was in your tummy, but can we go again because I didn't get to see much since I was in your tummy because your skin was in the way. I want to go again and see a moose. Do you still have the mukluks that they gave me?
Me: I do, but they are too small for you now.
Little Man: Well that does it, we have to go back to Alaska for sure now.
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
Little Man: Mama, I know that you love me the best. You love me more than all the other mamas love all of the other little boys and you love me the best more than Peanut and Sweet Pea.
Me: Oh yeah? You have that all worked out now, huh?
Little Man: Yup, I am your first baby, super sweet and the best snuggler.
Me: Well you are my best snuggler
Little Man: Told you, you love me best!
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
So I am going to go to Alaska to see a moose and purchase size 11 mukluks with my very self-assured, logical and slightly egotistical Little Man. Love this kid!
Friday, January 13, 2012
Changes
We have had a bit of a rough start to 2012, but things are starting to look up around here.
Peanut decided to give us a bit of a scare and ended up in the hospital on New Year's Day. He was my brave boy and didn't flinch for the iv, the CT scan, the chest x-ray and the sonogram even though he was in tons of pain. He laid in my arms in his hospital bed for hours and hours alternating between just laying and just laying while watching Toy Story 2 (three times). He only got upset over two things. He adamantly refused to wear his hospital gown so he went without a shirt on and he did not want a band-aid when the IV was finally removed. He peed in a cup and didn't have food or water for hours and hours, he took the contrast for the CT without complaint but HATED having the tape removed from his arm. My brave brave little boy - isn't scare of anything other than shirts that a ton of other people have worn and band-aids. Love that kid. He is fine now, all mended and happy in health.
He is having some adjustment issues at school. He has a substitute teacher because his teacher had surgery over the holidays. If you had asked me two weeks ago, I would have told you that Peanut is my most adaptable child with little to no issues with change. And then he would have made a liar out of me. But we are working on it. A wise friend told me that these are all but moments and they will pass as moment do. So we have a new routine earlier in the week and some new things we are trying in the classroom too. Still, he is my brave boy.
Little Man quietly confided in me today that he didn't get any special time with me and that it made his heart sad. He is my most sensitive child. I told him how sorry I was that we didn't get any special time together today and told him that I would make it up to him. His eyes lit up and I knew that he already had a way that I could make it up to him. So I asked, "What do you think? What's the plan" and his idea was brilliant. He said that I could make it up to him by reading books to him until HE decided it was enough. I usually limit him. Ok, I will read you 4 books now and then again later. I can't sit all day and read to him, there are meals to make, diapers to change, houses to clean and oh yeah, I have been working 20 hours out of the house (thus the limited special time). So tomorrow morning all of that is going to be put on hold and I have a feeling I will be reading for a very long time. I also told him that I won't be going to work anymore. I am still going to be working, but it will be from home and at least half will be done while he is sleeping. My sensitive Little Man is very pleased with this new change. My sweet sensitive little boy.
And Sweet Pea, my daring little girl, who has decided that scaling every obstacle is her greatest challenge. She is famous for stealing our cell phones and other gadgets and hiding them in shoes, couches, ride-on toys and closets. Her words are coming fast and furious, changing by the day. More, eat, here you go, upstairs, lock and load, up......my daring little girl. I wish she would slow down, not change so quickly but her daring adventurous soul doesn't stop for little old me. My daring little girl.
Onwards and Upwards....lots of change happening for our family in the coming weeks. We are thankful to have our brave boy, our sweet boy and our daring little girl to keep us laughing and enjoying the crazy.
Peanut decided to give us a bit of a scare and ended up in the hospital on New Year's Day. He was my brave boy and didn't flinch for the iv, the CT scan, the chest x-ray and the sonogram even though he was in tons of pain. He laid in my arms in his hospital bed for hours and hours alternating between just laying and just laying while watching Toy Story 2 (three times). He only got upset over two things. He adamantly refused to wear his hospital gown so he went without a shirt on and he did not want a band-aid when the IV was finally removed. He peed in a cup and didn't have food or water for hours and hours, he took the contrast for the CT without complaint but HATED having the tape removed from his arm. My brave brave little boy - isn't scare of anything other than shirts that a ton of other people have worn and band-aids. Love that kid. He is fine now, all mended and happy in health.
He is having some adjustment issues at school. He has a substitute teacher because his teacher had surgery over the holidays. If you had asked me two weeks ago, I would have told you that Peanut is my most adaptable child with little to no issues with change. And then he would have made a liar out of me. But we are working on it. A wise friend told me that these are all but moments and they will pass as moment do. So we have a new routine earlier in the week and some new things we are trying in the classroom too. Still, he is my brave boy.
Little Man quietly confided in me today that he didn't get any special time with me and that it made his heart sad. He is my most sensitive child. I told him how sorry I was that we didn't get any special time together today and told him that I would make it up to him. His eyes lit up and I knew that he already had a way that I could make it up to him. So I asked, "What do you think? What's the plan" and his idea was brilliant. He said that I could make it up to him by reading books to him until HE decided it was enough. I usually limit him. Ok, I will read you 4 books now and then again later. I can't sit all day and read to him, there are meals to make, diapers to change, houses to clean and oh yeah, I have been working 20 hours out of the house (thus the limited special time). So tomorrow morning all of that is going to be put on hold and I have a feeling I will be reading for a very long time. I also told him that I won't be going to work anymore. I am still going to be working, but it will be from home and at least half will be done while he is sleeping. My sensitive Little Man is very pleased with this new change. My sweet sensitive little boy.
And Sweet Pea, my daring little girl, who has decided that scaling every obstacle is her greatest challenge. She is famous for stealing our cell phones and other gadgets and hiding them in shoes, couches, ride-on toys and closets. Her words are coming fast and furious, changing by the day. More, eat, here you go, upstairs, lock and load, up......my daring little girl. I wish she would slow down, not change so quickly but her daring adventurous soul doesn't stop for little old me. My daring little girl.
Onwards and Upwards....lots of change happening for our family in the coming weeks. We are thankful to have our brave boy, our sweet boy and our daring little girl to keep us laughing and enjoying the crazy.
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Words
As a mom, I am often aware of the words used around my children. All of a sudden I would hear each and every word that I hoped my children would never say. The 3 times they say "stupid" in Toy Story or the lady on her cell phone in Target not realizing that her profanity is surely being absorbed by my 4 year old's little ears. And then sometimes I know that I myself am not choosing my words wisely because they get repeated back to me and hearing them out of little mouths make those words sound even worse. Like when I was frustrated with Papa Bear for something that I can't even remember now and must have called him a jerk when venting on the phone to my friend because as soon as Papa Bear walked in the door, Little Man piped up "Papa, are you a jerk?". But recently I have heard my words come out of the little mouths around me in such a sweet and endearing way that I know I am, at least some of the time, choosing the right words for little ears.
Little Man came up to me and climbed onto my lap and whispered to me the sweetest words. "Mama, I love you so much I don't even know what to do about it." I squeezed him tightly and told him that I knew exactly how he felt. He smiled and said "I know Mama, you tell me that all the time." I don't remember saying it. But I remember feeling it and I love that he feels it too and can even verbalize it.
Peanut was busily making cakes and snacks in his play kitchen to share and as he walked towards me with his plate of cakes I pretended to be excited and asked him if they were all for me. He said "No Mama, these are all for Papa." My lip curled down in feigned sadness and his little brow furrowed. He came and put his pudgy and not so clean hands on my cheeks and solemnly said "Don't worry Mama, Jackson has some for you". I love his "don't worries" that he communicates in such a concerned and convincing way since those are the words I use most often to him when he can't get his words out and I am telling him not to worry, we will figure it out.
Sweet Pea is starting to imitate words that she hears. Last night I was herding the kids to bed and told everyone to go upstairs. Then I hear the sweet sound of her voice exclaiming "upstairs, upstairs, upstairs". Love it. So when I told all of the kids to get ready to go this morning on some errands I was a little bit surprised to hear her say (an approximation of) "Lock and Load" the words that I use to get the kids out the door and in the car. Love. That is all I can say. Love.
(I am still trying to get a year in review for 2011 ready and hoping to post soon)
Little Man came up to me and climbed onto my lap and whispered to me the sweetest words. "Mama, I love you so much I don't even know what to do about it." I squeezed him tightly and told him that I knew exactly how he felt. He smiled and said "I know Mama, you tell me that all the time." I don't remember saying it. But I remember feeling it and I love that he feels it too and can even verbalize it.
Peanut was busily making cakes and snacks in his play kitchen to share and as he walked towards me with his plate of cakes I pretended to be excited and asked him if they were all for me. He said "No Mama, these are all for Papa." My lip curled down in feigned sadness and his little brow furrowed. He came and put his pudgy and not so clean hands on my cheeks and solemnly said "Don't worry Mama, Jackson has some for you". I love his "don't worries" that he communicates in such a concerned and convincing way since those are the words I use most often to him when he can't get his words out and I am telling him not to worry, we will figure it out.
Sweet Pea is starting to imitate words that she hears. Last night I was herding the kids to bed and told everyone to go upstairs. Then I hear the sweet sound of her voice exclaiming "upstairs, upstairs, upstairs". Love it. So when I told all of the kids to get ready to go this morning on some errands I was a little bit surprised to hear her say (an approximation of) "Lock and Load" the words that I use to get the kids out the door and in the car. Love. That is all I can say. Love.
(I am still trying to get a year in review for 2011 ready and hoping to post soon)
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