Thursday, December 30, 2010
Monday, December 27, 2010
It’s 11:00pm and I climb the steps to my room with a weariness that is set deep in my bones. My eyes feel glued open and my brain is not functioning properly. Thoughts come slowly and all I can think about is throwing myself into bed and snuggling into my wonderful cloud of a mattress. The children were all asleep by 8:30 but that is not when my day ends. That is when I try to write a few policies for a client, get caught up on email, clean the house, write thank you notes and the list goes on and on. My brain is buzzing from the busy parts of my day and filling with the must do lists of tomorrow as I reach the stop of the stairs. There are 3 closed doors that despite my exhaustion draw me from my thoughts of my bed. I go into each room where my beautiful children are sleeping. I adjust covers, kiss foreheads and replace binkies to be within reach. I stand and I breathe in the same air they are breathing and feel comforted and rejuvenated. I close the doors and walk toward my room and while I am still tired and happy to be going to bed, my weariness isn’t the same. I go into my room and smile as I turn on each child’s monitor so that I can keep tabs on them and know they are resting peacefully. I get ready for bed and lay down in bed and it is now 11:20, time to sleep – if I go to sleep now I might get 7 hours of sleep. I turn to Papa Bear and we talk about the funny things that the kids did, the things that we need to get or do for them in the coming days, our concerns, our joys. It is now 11:45. Tomorrow I will get to bed before 11:00 I promise myself and then I turn off the lights and know that I won’t get to bed when I want to and that I will drag myself up the steps the next night just as bone tired but there will be three closed doors at the top of those stairs and behind those 3 closed doors are my reasons for living, my life and I won’t feel quite as tired anymore. That is what it is like to have 3 kids, to have 3 awesome reasons for pulling myself up out of exhaustion or self-pity or weariness and being thankful for what lies behind their 3 closed bedroom doors.